Coming Clean

So, I've been feeling like I should say something, and I've decided I'll just man up and do it.

For the past two years, I've been deep in depression and self-hatred. I have a tendency to bottle things up inside, not talk about anything. So, when my parents got divorced in 2013, apparently all of that just came out at once, from what my therapist has told me. I'm lazier than I used to be, severely undermotivated, anhedonistic, insomniac AND hypersomniac, and plenty of other things. There's a friend of mine who has been through similar rough times, so we've talked a lot and still do, but we both knew I had to talk about it. So, a few months ago, I opened up to my mom, she told my dad, and we've been trying to work things out since. I'm seeing a therapist on a weekly basis, which helped a little at first but I'm not sure how I feel about it now. I'm also on escitalopram to try to balance my mood; unfortunately, it also had a tendency to cause headaches and it might be wreaking more havoc on my sleeping, but I guess it's better than what sine other meds do to you. I still struggle from time to time, but I think I might be doing somewhat better, though far from well.

Now, before anyone starts to worry, I want to say now that I have made no attempts to harm myself in any way, nor do I intend to do so in the future. I will admit, the thought does cross my mind from time to time, and there have been occasions where it has seemed like the best option, but I've never actually managed to attempt or even begin to attempt anything.

I know that there are plenty of people, especially on the site, who have it way worse than I do, and I always feel awful when I see that. I didn't write this journal looking for pity over a relatively insignificant issue when there are plenty of others more deserving of sympathy and aid. I just wanted you guys to know what was going on and to just say this since I have trouble doing so. It's also something of an explanation for my life productivity; I'm not even motivated to do things I enjoy much anymore, so I don't spend as much time drawing as I used to. I hope to change that, though. So, if you've read this far, thanks for reading and thanks for sticking with me though this.